T. Chix Strikes Back

A recent report published in the journal Science claims that DNA taken from a 66 million-year-old T. rex dinosaur bone links the Cretaceous creature to modern-day chickens. Aside from the astonishing news that such DNA was available to examine in the first place (66 million years, people!), the finding was astounding.

My mind immediately envisioned a scenario based on a cross between the movies "Jurassic Park" and "Men in Black." In the latter, a giant cockroach from outer space (capable of navigating cracks in the universe as easily as his earthly counterparts do cracks in cinderblock) avenges the squishy fate of his fellows (and any other insect) callously crushed by human feet.

My version involves using Jurassic Park techniques to cross a T. rex with a battery hen to create T. chix, one kick-ass pullet about 50 feet tall who goes from factory farm to factory farm busting out the roofs and ripping open cages to let her feathered brethren free. She would then lumber Godzilla-like down Main Street USA, thrusting her snarling beak through the windows of every KFC and Popeye's joint and scaring the nuggets out of the poultry-munching patrons.

I wish there was some way to let the chickens know from whence they came. And I hope it's not another 66 million years before the tables turn again.